I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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