Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
