I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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