YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
