Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
