Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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