i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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