Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
