Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
