i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
