Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
