I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
