Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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