haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
