oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
