gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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