I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
