i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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