U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
