I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Couch. On fire.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
