I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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