she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
