talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
