So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
