I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
