The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
