youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
