is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
