I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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