he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
