I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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