I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
