why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
