the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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