If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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