Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
