he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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