we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
