he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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