I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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