she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
