just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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