The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize