it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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