Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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