I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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