a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
