i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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