Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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