So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
