I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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