I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
