So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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