I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
