How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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