video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
