I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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