Welp...herpes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
