24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
