i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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