ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I checked into jail on foursquare
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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