you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
