I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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