Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
