Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My ATM looks so different sober.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
