Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
