Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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